Lizard Birthing!

CMINUSMOM · Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 12:46 pm Post subject: Lizard Birthing!

Subject: Lizard Birthing

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, dad, can you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking
stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie,Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,"she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced."We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was
being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times
with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my
house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean
what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"! What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young
male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male, they ..... Just the way he did,lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my
wife. "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this.

"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled the lizards and our son back into the car.

He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie... Priceless!

Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!

Ezekiel · Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 7:18 am Post subject:

ha ha ha nice one, i hope its not based on a true story though

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_________________
0.0.2 b/w Argintine Tegu
1.0.0 Gold Culombians
1.1.0 Emperor Scorpians
1.0.0 100% het axanthic ball
0.0.1 bosc monitor

CMINUSMOM · Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:23 am Post subject: I SURE HOPE.........

THIS STORY ISN'T BASED ON A TRUE STORY EITHER, BUT YA KNOW, THERE ARE SOME UNBRIGHT FOLKS OUT THERE, SO WHO KNOWS.

WE ARE FROM MAINE AND JUST GOT OUR FIRST TEGU - ONE OF RICKS. HE HAS HIS OWN LITTLE PERSONALITY AND THINGS HE WANTS TO DO AND THINGS HE DEFINATELY LETS YOU KNOW THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO, LOL. I AM STILL WORKING ON HIM LETTING ME RUB HIS BELLY. HE'S GETTING ALOT BETTER AT LETTING US GET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE. AT FIRST WE GOT WHIPPED AND BIT AND I THINK HE ACTUALLY HISSED AT ME ONCE OR TWICE. ALL IS GOOD NOW, HE STILL RAISES HIS BACK A LITTLE, LIKE HE'S GOING TO ATTACK BUT HE NOW LETS US TAKE HIM OUT WITHOUT TOO MUCH ADO. ONCE HE'S OUT, HE COOL THOUGH. HE'S JUST A HOOT!

WHY NO LIZARDS IN ENGLAND? ARE THEY BANNED? IS THE WEATHER TOO COOL FOR THEM? LATER, CHAR.

toxicogenic · Valued Member Joined: Nov 20, 2005 Posts: 134 Location: fl

lol....

well thank god its not a true story. .....blue tongue skinks give live birth......i just thought that was funny..
_________________
1.0.0 american pit bull terrier
1.0.0 arg. b/w tegu
0.1.0 crested gecko
1.0.0 white's tree frogs
0.1.0 southern painted turtle
0.1.0 albino african clawed frog
2.1.0 het pieds
R.I.P. Steve Irwin : my rolemodel

Ezekiel · Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 11:49 am Post subject:

i say no reptiles in England because we have one type of snake (adder) and one type of lizard(sand lizard) and there so small in number that ive only ever seen one sand lizard. i believe we also get slow worms but ive never seen one nor, have i seen an adder. the reason why we dont have alot reptiles is because winters are to cold and long and summers just arn't long enough. ive been told corns and king snakes can live in england but if they lay eggs they wont hatch due to the early winters. we have reptile shops just not many and finding a good one is like finding a needle in a hay stack.
id like to get a red tegu but ive never seen one for sale in England. how old is yours and is it male or female?
_________________
0.0.2 b/w Argintine Tegu
1.0.0 Gold Culombians
1.1.0 Emperor Scorpians
1.0.0 100% het axanthic ball
0.0.1 bosc monitor